5 Strategies That Help To Win It In A Discussion

When we find ourselves in the middle of a discussion, it is necessary to choose the words carefully and wisely so as not to risk worsening the situation and to reach an agreement with those in front of us.

A discussion is a dialogue between two people who have differences of opinion
and who both wish to impose their views on the arguments presented by the other.

Nobody teaches us the art of constructive discussion, of dialogue in order to reach an agreement; However, there are a number of guiding principles that can be of great help.

First, we must keep in mind that the main obstacle to a constructive and respectful discussion is negative emotions.

The disagreement in the couple, the misunderstanding with a colleague or with the boss often makes us feel uncomfortable, irritated, frustrated or even full of anger.

The control of these emotions allows us to achieve the mental calm necessary for an effective argument and, possibly, to emerge victorious from any discussion.

We propose you to discover with us 5 good ways to do this.

1. Do not attack: arguing is also listening and considering the point of view of the other

An argument is not won by attacking. You win with good arguments and with the charisma of someone who is sure of himself. The goal is to influence those in front of us and guide them towards a good compromise.

• It goes without saying that aggression, contempt, accusations and a big voice do not lead to great results in a verbal confrontation. On the contrary, they exasperate him, to a point of no return. They are not useful.
• This type of dialogue, very strong, starts from a disagreement, from something that bothers us or hurts us; however, it is important to try not to make it personal.
• The best attitude is: a cool head, a calm heart and a firm voice.

Never stop considering who you are facing. If you let negative emotions take over, you will stop listening and if you don’t listen you will not be able to counter logically and effectively.

2. In a discussion instead of “why” use “how”

It might seem silly, but when we find ourselves in the middle of an argument some words help us to “disarm” the other person, forcing him to become more deeply aware of something.

Let’s take an example. We are discussing with our partner and we are saying:

• Why don’t you ever consult me ​​when you have a decision to make? Why did you do it without telling me anything?

To such a question, the partner is likely to defend himself with one of the many classic and predictable answers.

But what if the question is asked like this:

• How do you think I feel when you make a decision without taking my opinion into account?

3. Don’t try to “be right”. Rather, seek a common agreement

The purpose of an argument is not to forcefully instill our truth into the other person’s mind. What should be sought is:

• Get the other person to understand our point of view.
• Don’t make the situation worse.
• Both come out strengthened, after having come to an agreement.

4. In the middle of the discussion speak in a calm voice, be assertive and avoid negative words

Phrases like “you don’t understand me “, ” you don’t know what I mean ” or even starting a sentence with the word ” no ” already represent a barrier to the flow of dialogue.

We are, in fact, giving a negative imprint to the conversation.

• Talk assertively, be firm but empathetic towards each other.
• Instead of starting a sentence with the word no, try saying ” I know what you mean and I understand you “.
• Try to keep a relaxed tone of voice, without losing your temper and being kind and attentive.
• You must never stop neglecting the emotional aspect, but it is also advisable to make good use of logic.
• Usually those in front of us sooner or later drop the arguments without logic. Be careful to spot them and be ready to point them out.

5. Bring arguments and ideas that awaken empathy in the other person

One of the most common problems when it comes to carrying on a discussion is not knowing how to argue.

• In our mind, ideas, emotions and thoughts are piled up that we cannot clearly put in order and use them to discuss calmly, wisely and assertively.
• We must learn to organize ideas in order to be able to present them clearly, concisely and confidently.
• Another winning strategy is to insert statements that “necessarily” awaken the empathy of the other.

Here are some examples:

• “You understand me, you know what I mean”.
• “You are an intelligent person, I know you understand my position”.

In conclusion, learning the art of discussion requires training and good doses of emotional intelligence.

Speaking calmly, with respect and with good reasoning will help us to win in the discussions, with the agreement of both parties.

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