Storms: Don’t Get Carried Away In Other People’s Ones

First, we learn to distinguish our personal problems from those of others. We isolate negative thoughts and look for solutions that satisfy us and make us feel calm.

There are people who are able to create their own storms and then cry if it “rains”. You will certainly know someone with this personality, who gets into trouble and then complains about the maze they are trapped in.

The worst thing is that, often, these people also manage to drag others into their obsessions, their moral or personal dilemmas. They can go so far as to blame us and force us to fill our minds with problems that do not belong to us.

This is the typical behavior of immature and dependent people. This does not mean that anyone, perhaps in a moment of insecurity, can sow a storm where calm reigns.

When storms arise on a calm day

There are days when we become obsessed with events without really knowing why. “And if that’s not okay, what do I do? I have no way out anymore ”, or“ It is my destiny to be unhappy, there is nothing that I can do well ” .

They are just small examples of thoughts that are installed in the mind in particular moments of our life. Nothing dangerous or traumatic. Indeed, existential crises are crucial moments that force us to make important decisions.

• Everyone can happen to create their own storm, but they must be brief moments of weakness, in which our self-esteem immediately helps us to get back up, to create new resolutions.
• Don’t be ashamed of negative thoughts. In this case,  the real courage consists in accepting that “we are not well” and that after the storm we need calm and light, to reorganize our thoughts.
• It is necessary to put aside what we are feeling in order to make an effort to remember what we really deserve. Nobody deserves to lead a life thinking they have the world against them or that fate has closed their doors forever.

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a very useful psychological strategy to dispel these mental “storms”  in which we can all find ourselves at some point in our life.

Sometimes, emotional stress is superimposed in the mind with automatic and irrational thoughts that tend to undermine our well-being. This therapeutic technique is worth considering.

• Each emotion, each automatic thought has its own shape in our brain.  So when you feel unwell, take a notebook and try to describe what’s going on in your head.
• Use short words or sentences. Describe what you feel, see, observe.

• After that, it’s time to “question” and confront these ideas. Here is an example:

“I feel anger”, “People are bad” – “Why do I feel anger? Why should I think that all people are bad? – “Why did someone disappoint me?” – “What can I do to feel better?” – “I have to talk about how I feel with that person, face the problem and turn off this anger I feel.”

Once the negative emotion or thought has been identified, the solution should be prioritized and, above all, replaced in the mind with a cognitive state of freedom, of belief that the problem can be overcome.

Protect yourself from storms that don’t belong to you

We just said that we can all be in a position to create their own storm. We know that this is an internal and personal process and that the solution to the problem is in our hands.

However, a fact is that there are people who are able to drag us into their problems, at the heart of their storms.

While we can all have moments of weakness, some people seem to be living in a chronic state of crisis.

They are very insecure personalities who need to be accepted and taken by the hand because they see themselves unable to deal with the problems they themselves have created. They can be friends, family or partners.

In these cases,  we remain enveloped in an atmosphere saturated with negative emotions, to which, moreover, the burden of having to solve a problem that does not belong to us is added.

The best way to act in these cases is to maintain a balance and set limits. We will help them as much as possible, but by making it clear that personal storms must be resolved in the mind of the person who originated them.

Give your support, encourage, but let them find the real solution themselves. If we hand it to them on a silver platter, they may not be satisfied with it.

Maintain the right emotional distance. You have your problems and your responsibilities: do not put the burdens of others on your shoulders or you will feel crushed.

Move very carefully.